November 28, 2007
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I am taking my girls (cats) in to get their pics taken with Santa. Hehe. I think it will be cute for the simple fact that my Zoe is crazy and I want them to snap the pic when Santa has an extremely concerned look on his face.
My sleep is all fucked up-I am pretty sure it is because of the pills but they frickin work. I have lost like 9lbs since quitting smoking because I pretty much quit eating (except yogurt). I did eat some potatoes last night though-sinful mashed potatoes with cheese and lobster in them. And about a million and half calories, I am sure.
I am getting closer to my move. I am scared shitless because I am moving across the planet with a man that I love but am not in love with and the man that I am in love with is staying here-for now. I am at a real crossroads as he says that maybe in a few months if we can work out our issues, he will come to me. I think my best option is suicide at this point. I don't think he will come. Which is why the other man is coming with me. I can't be alone. I know, I know, I talk a big game-I don't need a man and blah blah blah but I always have. Fuck. I better come clean soon. Shoot me.
And....I want a baby in the next couple of years. Yikes. I never thought those words would come from me.
Comments (2)
Hey girl. Thanks for your comment. It really helped me open my eyes (you have no idea how much).
I wrote a really long post this morning on Joe, but I think I'm going to go change it as it seems we have finally decided to cut ties.
Where are you moving to? (if you don't mind me asking). I would love to know more details about this whole relationship thing if you want to tell me (you could message me). We obviously have a LOT in common as I can't go too long without some man in my life. But it doesn't have to be this way, for either of us. I think the worst thing in the world is pretending to be someone you are not. Pretending (hoping) to love someone you don't. It's not worth it for you or the other person. It will only make matters worse in the end.
I lived in Greece back in 99-00. I met a guy there, moved in with him and then we somehow decided to move back to the states together. I knew, JUST KNEW, in the back of my mind that it was not a good idea. That I was not happy with him. That I did NOT LOVE HIM. But I ignored that little voice. (you know- the voice that always knows the truth). And we moved here and I spent an awful 2 years with him. I mean awful.
I try not to regret too many things in my life, because I believe we learn from every mistake. But if I could go back, I would change all the times I haven't listened to that voice. All the times I've made decisions because I was in denial, or avoiding the truth at hand.
Anyway...I hope whatever you decide, that things work out for you. Keep in touch..
xoxo
Take care, things will work themselves out, just wait and see. Congrats on quitting smoking, that is a great thing! Good luck! Hugs!
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