My life has been a mess...

wow. i suck.

Ok this is horrible. And I am really embarassed but if anyone can understand-its probably the people I talk to on here. I overdid it on the laxatives. And you know what happened next-got up, used the bathroom several times, thought it was safe to get going to work, and for the most part it was, until I was about 10min away. Cringing, clenching, praying. Got out of my car and literally ran to get to the bathroom. Not 100% effective. So, yep, I crapped myself. Not a full on crap but ugh. Washed my underwear in the bathroom and waiting for them to dry. Used paper towels and scented antibacterial wipes to clean my body. I am 35. I can't believe I did this. Its been years since I over did and lost control of my body. LOL

Hope you are having a better memorial day than I am....shit my pants and work.

And I am back.....

Long time. Lots of stuff:

1. Finished the Boston Marathon
2. My bf/ex-h moved out so I am officially on my own
3. Things with the man I love in Boston just did not work out the way they should so I am OVER IT
4. Need to lose 10lbs so started the "lemonade diet" today. I know. Slippery slope. Whatever.

I will update more later because there is LOTS more news but I want to check in on some of you first!

XO

What the.....?  Somehow I lost 7.5lbs and trust me I checked 6times to make sure I wasn't crazy.  It must be water.  Someone must have fucked with my scale.  I must have been wearing heavy clothes the last time I weighed.  My scale must have been moved or broken or worse-PLAYING AN EVIL TRICK. I don't know what to think. *sigh* i hope its true

Let's see....Boston coming up soon. Gonna see my love. One of my best friends is back in the hospital-he has cancer.  One of my other really good friends gets to play in a pro volleyball tournament in a couple of weeks. I am running a 10K race next weekend. I am super busy at work. I suck as a daughter. I have to do a presentation for about 100 people next week-not looking forward to it. I got in a car accident last week (no injuries only my car damaged-fuck). Ugh-I could literally go on and on.

Fuck my life.

Almost done with the 30 day challenge....it has been difficult at time but I am glad I am doing it.  I am looking forward to getting my life back.  I will keep doing the yoga because it feels so good but not every day.  I think 4times a week will be good.
Ok, so I don't post it often but I am short and fat.  5'3 and exactly 140lbs. I seem to carry it well (I must have a lot of muscle or something) and most people think I am around 125ish (which is closer to where I actually want to be).  BUT I am trying to be really honest with myself about my weight, my food intake, my liquid intake, my exercise, etc and hopefully it will help me to get where I want.  I am going to try to post it here most days. We'll see what happens....

Ugh, that actually hurt to type. I am gross.

OK....Happy New Year! I know its been a week already but so far this year, I am feeling pretty positive about things.  Like this is going to be the year that things maybe start to fall into place. Since November, I have been practicing Bikram yoga on a pretty regular basis (except when I sprained my ankle), doing pretty good with my marathon training and eating pretty good. I haven't lost much weight but I am not beating myself up over it (which is a change). I am not really into the hippy dippy part of yoga but I really think its helping-this practice is amazing and carries over into so many other parts of your life. Plus the ladies who own the studio and teach where I go are two of the most awesome people I have ever met. I am on day 8 of a 30 day challenge-whoot whoot!
So, here is what is going on and some of the problems and benefits that I am seeing with Bikram:
I have definitely gotten a lot stronger-I can do all of the poses and hold them whereas I couldn't before. 
I can see the muscles in my back! You have no idea how great this is! I always liked my back and have always thought nice backs were sexy as hell and now I have distinct muscles, not creepy body builder type but definitely muscles! I love it!
My focus is great, my sleep is better, I drink a lot more water, I eat a lot less, I have more energy, I sweat out the crap I don't need, I feel good.
BUT...my face has broken out. Bad. Not cool for a 35yr old woman but whatever.  I have done some research and am going to try a few things including taking bovine colostrum.  And I am not losing weight.  BUT I am ok with it. For now.

This weekend is going to be tough though-I have to do a 16mile run and try to go to yoga on Sat and Sun at 9:15 which means the run will be after that. Boo....I prefer to run early in the mornings.  I suppose I could do a 5am run and then yoga.  nah....I think I will sleep in.

Kiss kiss

The guy I live with (technically bf, I guess), is moving out. I feel a sense of relief, fear, anxious, excitement, nervous, happy, head spinning, you name it.
Buying my ticket for Boston this weekend and reserving my hotel room.  Normally, I stay with my love but things feel strange this time and I can always cancel the reservation if he tells me I am crazy (I HOPE).
Oahu in Jan, Maui in Feb and Big Island in March. Busy few months. I better save some cash.
I am going to try for a 30day challenge at my yoga studio. 30 straight days of Bikram, ooolala. 
My eating has been good considering it is the holidays. I actually dropped a couple of lbs but I know its due to the stress right now.  *sigh* how about 20 more? 

Love, love!

Happy New Year

Merry Christmas me.  I got a yeast infection. Yep, a yeast infection. I hate these things.

I need some pills. I am freaking out. Please send me an online pharmacy. You can private message me. I am desperate. I NEED diethylpropion. Now. I don't care where the pharmacy is-Canada, Mexico, Serbia, wherever.