February 4, 2009

• Didn't lose my 2.5lbs.  Lost 1lb.  Ggrr.  I am not happy about it but I have to focus.  No time to dwell on my crappy performance. 
  Busy at work-what else is new? My job can suck ass.  
  Going to visit my fam soon!  Yay!  that makes me happy but it will be COLD.  I have been ripping my closets apart to find every sweater that I can.  Let's see here today: haircut appt, eyebrow appt, pedicure (self).  And need some exercise-probably walking and then some weight training.
  Ok, so me and my bf (he is my ex-h), have a very fucked up relationship.  I know this.  He knows this.  He was a very abusive alcoholic.  Somewhere along the line, it was just ok for him to throw me around and whatever.  I mean, not ok, but it wasn't out of the norm, I guess.  Well, we divorced and got back together and things had changed due to his no longer using alcohol.  Well, we move and guess what? He starts drinking again and it seems every three months he pulls some of his old tricks out of his hat.  I always threaten and never follow through but this time I am done.  Last night (and he wasn't even drunk), we went to bed and he was SNORING LOUDLY so I wake him up to take sinus pills.  Nothing, do it again, he yells at me but does nothing, finally an hour or so later I said fuck it and got up to leave.  He then wakes up just fuckin pissed.  Screaming and yelling and then storms out of the bedroom as I am getting my things to go to work and comes back and grabs me and shakes me and slams me down on the air mattress on the floor (I sleep in regular bed, he sleeps on air mattress), then goes to smoke.  I get up continue getting my things and go into the bathroom to get my toothbrush and he comes in and starts dragging me out of the bathroom by my hair so I scratched him (I know, typical chic) by diging my nails in as HARD as I could and this didn't get him to stop so I punched him in the face.  Then he "woke" up and tried to blame it all on me.  And telling me I lost it and blah blah blah.  I said you are fucking sick. SICK.  He is a foot taller and about 80-85lbs heavier than me.  What other choice do I have?  Well, today I have had it.  I can not live this way.  It is too stressful. 
  I just don't know what to do. 
  
  Hugs

  • 6:52 pm
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