November 18, 2008
-
Monday-35min gym
Tuesday (so far)-35min gym
I am a little better today. I don't know why. Not that I should complain. Oh who am I kidding? I know why. Mr East Coast and I had a bit of a blowout last week. I told him I was giving up on him (why do I keep doing this?!) for real and that I gave up on all kinds of things with him and he asked me if what I said was a joke (UM NO) and that i know how he feels about long distance relationships (he doesn't want that). Well, after that we pretty much didn't talk. Or basically, I felt as if he was ignoring me and not the other way around. SO, after killing myself over this whole thing, and some comments that I may have taken the wrong way, I typed this whole LONG ASS manifesto to him which I did not send and I was going to not talk to him at all and then he starts in on me today not me hounding him like a damn puppy. Damn it! I should have sucked it up and hit send. Now its too late!! I think I will modify it and then send but it seems stupid now. I don't know-I just pointed out that we never talk about how we actually feel and that I felt he was upset because I did and that it wasn't fair to say he didn't want a long distance relationship when we haven't talked about other options (I would move in a minute) and it wouldn't be long distance for any extended period but that he has NEVER said let's do it. He is supposed to be coming here sometime soon and I just don't know what to do. Ugh. I need to just get over him. I need to just stop talking to him but how do you stop talking to someone you have been in love with for years and basically spent every day talking too? He knows everything about me and I know everything about him. I don't know what I would do without him in my life but I don't know how to just be his friend. I can't just be his friend.
I feel so childish over this. I need to grow up.
Comments (2)
How..? Well, you just tell him to stop calling, and if he does call or text, ignore it. I know, I know....but girl, if I could do it, you can too. I just realized one day that I felt awful everytime we talked. All I wanted was to be with him, but he wanted to be just friends. That hurt so fucking much and I held on to that hope that he would change his mind eventually. That day I decided, I was better off without the constant pain he caused and I just said, thats it, enough. Took out the scissors and cuit off all ties with him. I used that book I told you about and I focused on me instead. I cant tell you how much better I felt!!!!
You can do it...you CAN. dont argue with me, yes you can!
I am on IM a lot so if you need to talk...I'll most likely be there. you also have my email addy, right?
HUGS!!!!!!
It takes time...it happens on its own. You have to let yourself bury this relationship though, I think that closure helps affirm the fact that it's gone for good in my head. My personal approach is more of a scorched-earth policy although I seriously do not recommend it lest you end up completely and utterly alone like me.
Comments are closed.