October 8, 2008
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I am going to tell him (J) that I can't do it without a "commitment" (but not really a commitment, more of a not just go with it) from him. I need to know what he feels. I am not going to drive myself insane over it. I am just going to tell him and leave it at that. Then it is out of my hands. Thats where I need it to be-something I just don't deal with any more. If it works out, great. If not, then it wasn't supposed to for a reason.
My sis arrives today so I am happy even though I am wallowing in depression. It is a strange mix of feelings-I feel like a crazy person. Who am I kidding? I am a crazy person.
I forgot to weigh this morning so my whole day is off. I feel like I got fatter since yesterday.
Shoot me. I am begging for it to be over.
Comments (3)
Glad to hear that your niece is safe with your sister. Your family really seems to help each other out which is great, particularly given that you guys seem to have gone through a lot both individually and as a group. While others would just fall apart you seem to stick together which you should be really proud of. Can I ask you a stupid question: why are you so angry with yourself? You seem to be doing alright from an outside perspective, you have a job, friends, you are able to take care of yourself, support those who need you...that all sounds pretty decent to me, why do you hate yourself so much? It almost seems to me like you embrace your ED because its a mean of punishing yourself?
I hope you are feeling better with your sis there.
Its probably good to have it out of your hands. I just put up a new post on myhauntedpast - same thing was going on there with Michael. It was really hard to do it, but I did eventually ask him to stop calling me, and I was able to get over his stupid ass.
He was the same way...wouldnt tell me how he felt about me and wouldnt commit.
HUGS!!!
good luck hunni sounds very confusing xxx
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