August 23, 2006
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I sit here debating whether or not to eat a frickin rice cake. A rice cake!!! My head is pounding. I think I should but yet are those 60cals going to prevent me from the losing the weight that I am so desperately trying rid myself of? I am not happy about this. I don't know what to do. I have already had about 20cals worth of coffee. This would put me at 80 so far. How many can I allow the rest of the day? Argh. I am stuck at the weight that I currently am and am having trouble getting lower. And I am not even small. Smaller than some but larger than too many more.
Last night, bf and I were talking about the state fair which starts this week. And we were going on and on about all the food (it is all the most wonderful junk you can think of), anyway, I was listing off all the foods I wanted (but in no way will allow myself to eat without a bathroom nearby and I don't even care who hears what I am doing while I rid myself of the garbage I consume) and so I am laughing and carrying on.....french fries, cream puffs, ice cream, mini donuts, corn on the cob, pizza, cheese curds, lemonade, popcorn, corndogs, deep fried candy bars....and he looks at me in all seriousness and says 'thats way too much'. RRRrrrr-put the brakes on fun. I enjoy talking about everything I WANT to eat. I never eat it all but half the fun is thinking/dreaming/wishing about it. Does he honestly think I would eat all that? After that he proceeded to read the calorie content of my granola bars, cereal, whatever. Thanks fuckhead. Do you not think I know that information and what the fuck are you doing? In the next sentence he says 'don't lose any more weight, you are at a good weight for your body'. Leave me alone. I will do what I want, always have. If I choose to look like walking death-so be it.
Ah...better work now.
And ps. got rid of the rice cake due to deciding I am the size of a building.
Comments (2)
sorry he ruined your fun. There is nothing more fun than fantasizing about food. Deep Fried Candy bars? Intriguing. I would spend at least 10 minutes dissecting it just because I have never heard of such an evil thing.
Men are wierd. You need to eat but don't eat too much. You need to gain weight, but not too much weight.
I think you could have had the rice cake and it wouldn't have made you gain. I don't even want to think about the amount of calories I have consumed.
ahhhhhh, the I do what I want ... one of my favorites; I must send you an email with my favorite Cartman (from Southpark) doing his skit on Maury Povich saying he'll do what he wants! I effin' love it : P
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